


A Hetalia Monster Mash

by CJCroen1393



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Halloween Costumes, Implied Relationships, M/M, Monsters, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Were-Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Halloween and England and France get into an argument over which country has better monsters. They can't agree, so they decide to ask the other countries for their opinions. Instead, things get more confusing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hetalia Monster Mash

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so...this is my first story here. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Pairings are implied GiriPan and USUK.
> 
> Others are mentioned.
> 
> Happy Halloween! >:D

"And just _what_ are you supposed to be," asked England, as he looked at France in his Halloween costume.

They were at a yearly Halloween party, and there were lots of festive decorations and games. France and England were meeting at the punch bowl while everyone else played.

The costume France was wearing consisted of a large amount of fur, mostly on his pants, which had a fake tail sticking out of the backside. He had paw-like gloves on his hands, a set of fake fangs and a headband (the most ridiculous part of all) with a set of pointed, cat-like ears.

And, unsurprisingly, he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Why I am dressed as the dreaded Beast of Gevaudan; a monstrous, wolf beast that ravaged the French countryside hundreds of years ago," began France with a smirk, showing off the fake fangs, "it was infamous for killing and devouring many people, mostly women and children. Of course, I'm more inclined to take women for much less cruel reasons..."

"Ugh," said England, "Well, you make it sound more impressive than it looks. To me, you look more like a frizzy rug."

"Hmph," huffed France, "And what are _you_ supposed to be? Some sort of amateur magician?"

England was wearing a suit with a long cloak over it. On his head was a large top hat and he was holding a fake sickle in his hand.

"No," said England, "I'm Jack the Ripper! He was a murderer in London who killed women and sent their body parts to the police with ominous, taunting letters. He's the subject of years of debate, as his identity was never revealed."

"Then how did you make that costume? If his identity was never found, then no one would know what he looked like."

England just glared at him and said, "Look, I don't know, okay! What I _do_ know is that my costume is scarier than yours! A serial killer like Jack is way scarier than some wild, brutish beast!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well then, let's just see about that! If we can't agree on which monster is scarier, then let's ask the others and see what they think!"

"You're on..."

And with that, they were off.

\----

"Let's start with Russia," said England, "He knows scary when he sees it."

"Good idea! Oh, Russia!"

France had seen Russia talking to a few people at a corner of the room. Russia turned to look at them; he was wearing a rather unusual costume, reminiscent of some sort of wicked old witch, but with a large stiff tube-like object around his waist and a broom in his hand. He smiled his usual smile at them and said "Hello, France, England. How are you two? Did you get a lot of candy, да?"

"That's not important," said England, "Which of us is wearing a better costume? Me, in my elegant, frightening Jack the Ripper outfit, or Frances dusty old rug?"

"Beast of Gevaudan!"

"Well, to be honest I like both of your costumes. But I don't find either monster scary. I'm dressed as a different monster."

"What?" asked England.

"A male Baba Yaga," said Russia.

"Baba Yaga?" asked France.

"да . The Baba Yaga was a scary old witch that lived in the Russian backwoods. She would travel through the forest in a massive house with chicken legs, searching for children to eat."

"Sounds freaky," said England.

"So...you're crossdressing?" sneered France. 

Russia blushed.

"No," he said, "I said that I'm a _male_ Baba Yaga."

"Yeah," smirked France, "We believe you... _old lady_."

Suddenly, Russia glowed with a frightening aura.

"I have half a mind to take both of you, toss you into a boiling cauldron and eat you both alive!"

France and England were quickly running for their lives.

\----

They decided to talk to America next, with England hoping that America would agree with him. America was at the snack table and greeted them while holding a cupcake.

"Yo, America!" called out England.

"Oh, hey dudes!" said America, grinning.

The two European nations stared at America's bizarre costume; he was wearing a costume with a massive amount of brightly colored feathers, all a dizzying array of red, white and blue (unsurprisingly). He had a mask which opened to show his face and had a massive beak on it, and lightning bolt like shapes were drawn on the bottom of the eyes of the mask. He looked like some sort of massive bird.

"America," asked France, "which of us looks scarier? The crummy magician over there--

"I'M JACK THE RIPPER!" 

"Or the fearsome wolf, e.g., me?"

"Heh heh, no offense dudes, but your costumes suck!"

"WHAT!?" shouted France and England in unison.

"Well, neither of them compare to my costume!"

"You look like the unholy offspring of a chicken and a rainbow!" said England.

"I'm not a chicken!" said America, adamantly, "I'm a thunderbird!"

"A thunderbird?" asked France, "You look nothing like a car!"

"No, I mean the Native American monster called a thunderbird! They were giant birds that created thunderstorms and shot lightning from its eyes! They say that their names came from the fact that when they flapped their huge wings, thunder boomed! And plus, they were like eagles! And eagles are the most epic, hardcore birds ever!"

England rolled his eyes. France just laughed and said "I don't see what's so scary about an overgrown bird that makes rain..."

"HEY! THEY WERE SCARY! YOU MAKE ONE WRONG MOVE AROUND THEM, AND THEY'LL _FRY _YOU!__

__France and England walked away, ignoring him._ _

__\----_ _

__They decided to hit up Philippines next. This was a challenge, since they didn't know him very well, but they felt like that would also be a plus, because he would probably be able to make his own judgement on the costumes._ _

__When they found him, he was bobbing for apples and wearing a costume that had a tattered shirt and pants, both with "blood" on them, and a pair of massive fake wings were on his back._ _

__After hearing the explanation, Philippines said "They both sound scary, but I don't think anything could beat my monster, the manananggal!"_ _

__"...the McGonagall?" asked England._ _

__"Manananggal! It's kinda like a vampire, but it only eats unborn babies."_ _

__"Sounds repulsive," said France._ _

__"That's not even the half of it; the monster can fly, but only by detaching its torso from its legs. The best way to kill it is to rub salt in its wound so it can't reattach!"_ _

__"Ick!" said England, "Are all your monsters so weird, Philippines?"_ _

__"To you guys, maybe."_ _

__France and England didn't want to hear anymore. They left._ _

__"WAIT! The alan isn't that weird! Well, okay, it steals reproductive waste, but it has a good reason for that!_ _

__\----_ _

__"Okay, tie breaker!"_ _

__"What tie, France?" asked England, "No one likes our costumes!"_ _

__"We still need to hit up Greece! He knows all about monsters!"_ _

__They found Greece hanging out with Japan by the punch table. Japan was dressed like a kappa. Greece was wearing a costume with long green socks with a scaly looking fabric, a chiton, a fake beard and gloves with finger extensions resembling tiny dragon heads._ _

__After explaining the situation, France asked "So do you like our costumes or your own?"_ _

__Greece said nothing at first. Then he said "Mine."_ _

__"I KNEW IT!" shouted England and France in unison._ _

__"Okay, tell us what's so great about your monster and get it over with!"_ _

__There was a pause, and Greece then said:_ _

__"I am dressed as the Greek monster, Typhon. Typhon was the mighty Father of All Monsters. He was the son of Gaea, Queen of the Earth and Tartarus, the Ancient Greek Hell. He was the mate of the monstrous dragon woman, Echidna. Together, they bore the greatest monsters of Ancient Greece; the many-headed hydra, the monstrous Ladon, the guard of the dead, Cerberus, Ethon, the eagle that fed on the liver of Prometheus, the fiery Chimera, the crafty Sphinx, the two headed Orthrus, among others. He was as tall as the sky, with two hideous serpent tails for legs and one hundred and one heads: one on his shoulders and fifty on each hand. His arms stretched from east to west, fire shot from his mouth and venom poured from his eyes. He had massive wings that covered the skies and made everything dark as night._ _

__One day, he staggered up to Mount Olympus--escorted by Eris, Goddess of Chaos--and challenged Zeus to a battle. Upon seeing Typhon, all of the other Gods fled, leaving only Zeus and Athena to fight him. Typhon was only looking to battle Zeus, and the two fought until Zeus was too exhausted to finish. Triumphantly, Typhon tore off Zeus' muscles and scattered them across the world. It was not until Hermes, Messenger of the Gods, flew at great speeds to get the muscles back that Zeus regained his strength. With that, he buried Typhon alive under a mountain. To this day, they say he's still there, creating volcanic eruptions when angered. And that's the monster I'm dressed as."_ _

__England, France and Japan stared at him, slack-jawed._ _

__After a long, awkward silence, Japan cleared his throat and said, "I hope that answers your question..."_ _

__The two blondes looked at each other, and unanimously agreed:_ _

__"Greece wins."_ _

__\----_ _

__"So what did we learn?" asked France._ _

__"We should probably just agree to disagree." said England._ _

__"Sounds good," said France, "y'know, now that I think of it, Jack the Ripper is pretty scary. Probably as scary as the Beast of Gevaudan."_ _

__"Well, I guess your monster sounds pretty scary too. I wouldn't want to be eaten by a monster wolf..."_ _

__"Or cut to pieces by a madman."_ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__Suddenly, a song started to play; it was "The Monster Mash". America ran up to England and shouted "AW MAN! THIS IS MY FAVORITE HALLOWEEN SONG!"_ _

__He grabbed England by the hand and pulled him onto the dance floor excitedly. England cursed angrily._ _

__"OW!" shouted England, "Don't grab me so tight, idiot!"_ _

__France just chuckled and waved as he watched the young couple dance._ _

__It had been a fun Halloween._ _

__End._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Heh, sorry for the lame ending. I hope you liked it!
> 
> I was gonna make Russia a strigoi (vampire) but I didn't know that that's actually a Romanian monster, not a Russian one. Whoops! ^_^
> 
> EDIT: Made some changes after noticing some problems with the writing.


End file.
